An Intimate End-of-the Year Date With Yourself
Looking at where you’ve been is one of the best ways to prepare yourself for where you’re going. That’s why as 2021 comes to a close, we get ready to welcome in 2022 with acknowledgement, intention, and of course, self-reflection. Acknowledgment of our desires for the future, intention about the perspectives we hold and actions we take in the present, and self-reflection about who we’ve been on the road to who we are becoming.
So what are you waiting for? Grab your journal and a pen, open the notes app in your phone, or simply sit down in silence and get set to do some self-reflection. Consider it an intimate end-of-the year date with yourself. There is no right way to do it, but you will get the most out of it if you approach it with an open mind, open heart, and unadulterated honesty about you, your triumphs, and your struggles.
There are only three steps to this process, and they may be the three most important steps you’ve taken all year.
1. Stop and Look
Self-reflection is the seat of growth. It invites you to stop what you’re doing, take a step back and see what you might not always be willing to or readily see amidst the day’s and week’s routine activities. Given the space and time, we can begin to look. And we do so by getting honest with ourselves and asking questions that lead to important answers about how our beliefs, behaviours, thoughts, and emotions are supporting or creating our life experience.
So take a moment right now to stop and think back to the moments of this last year that led you, perhaps unexpectedly, to smile a big ol’ smile from ear to ear, those things that went so well, maybe even better than expected, that is worthy of celebrating, and that maybe even had you saying “yes! this is what life is all about!”
3 Experiences That Made Me Happiest and Proudest This Year
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Now consider what about you (your thoughts, perspectives, actions, and words) supported these situations in going as well as they did. For example, did you decide to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new? Did you spend your time in ways that align with your values and desires? Did you challenge self-criticism, self-doubt, perfectionism, and feelings of worry as you noticed them creeping in? Whatever qualities in you helped to support the positive experiences that you had, write about them here.
The Role I Played In Having These Experiences
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Every year has ‘good’ times, and every year has ‘bad’ times. Think back to the times during this last year in which you were challenged, mentally and/or emotionally, by a person or situation, times that went poorly, that led you to feel sadness or discomfort, that zapped your energy, and/or that maybe had you saying “this sucks” or “life’s not fair”.
3 Experiences That Were Difficult or Challenging This Year
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Now take a moment to ponder what about your thoughts, choices, and actions may have lent a hand to bringing these less-than-optimal situations into existence. Self-reflection is beneficial to the extent that it is grounded in self-responsibility. As you take responsibility for who you are and the role you play in influencing your life experience– be it positive, negative, or somewhere in between– you find yourself in the driver’s seat of your life (the best place to be!).
Did you, for example, say “yes” even though you wanted to say “no”? Did you spend your time in ways that align with other people’s values more than your own? Did you let self-criticism, self-doubt, fear, and perfectionism make your life decisions for you? Did you do that thing in your relationships that you said you’d never do again? Whatever the beliefs, actions, mishaps, could’ves, should’ves, and/or errors in judgment may have been this year, write about them here.
As you do, it’s not unlikely that you will notice a critical inner voice, or perhaps a judgmental or perfectionistic one, making a cameo. Here is where this end-of-year date with yourself gets really intimate. Rather than criticize, berate, or judge yourself for your mishaps or weaknesses, see if you can approach these qualities and actions with the voice of self-compassion instead. Self-compassion is really a win-win: Not only does a compassionate (rather than critical) response to our mistakes make us feel tons better (no one likes an angry driver, right?), but it’s also been shown in study after study to encourage greater progress toward and achievement of our goals.
The Role I Played In Having These Experiences
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For more on what a self-compassionate voice really sounds like, head on over here, and if you find yourself curious about other ways to manage that mind bully of yours, simply head on over here.
2. Listen and Learn
Whether they are experiences that made you happiest or saddest this year, what we know for certain is that they made you who you are. You can, in fact, learn something from every experience you have, as long as you are open to learning.
So if you’re open to learning (which, as a Soulaia woman, it’s highly likely you are), I invite you to listen to your heart as you explore the valuable lessons you’ve learned from this year’s successes and faux pas.
As you integrate your reflections on the strengths and weaknesses you’ve exhibited this year, ask yourself what these discoveries reveal about you. “What do I now know about myself that I didn’t know before?” and “What about me is so clear now that it can no longer be ignored?” For example, did you recognize that under stress, you are actually not as kind of a person as you think you are? Did you learn that your skills can be better utilized in a different career path? That your friendships are important to you and that you need to devote more time to nurturing them? Did you realize that you’re engaging in the same pattern of behaviour in your relationships that you blame your partner for? That you value time, energy, and connection yet your daily routine doesn’t support these values? Or perhaps that when it comes to living from your heart, you talk the talk WAY more than you walk the walk?
3 Valuable Things I Learned About Myself This Year
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Reflecting on what you’ve learned about yourself as a result of your thoughts, choices, and actions this year naturally reveals personally relevant areas of growth that may be needed. What areas of growth can you identify and compassionately embrace based on your reflection thus far? For example, can you learn to trust yourself more? To be more intentional about how you spend your time and engage in self-care? To take more time to make decisions? To more readily recognize and take responsibility for your part in conflict and disagreement? To better balance honouring your heart’s deepest wishes and meeting your mind’s greatest intellectual desires?
3 Areas of Growth I Noticed For Myself This Year
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3. Appreciate and Act
Are you the same person today as you were on January 1 of this year? If not, congratulate yourself! Because it’s likely that you’ve grown, matured, and managed to get through some really challenging moments while enjoying many others.
It is said that happiness comes not from getting what you want all the time, but from loving and appreciating what you’ve got. There is so much to appreciate about our lives in each and every moment, yet we rarely stop and notice. So now’s your chance to consciously and willfully appreciate this year that’s so quickly and beautifully come and gone. What can you appreciate, soul sister? Are you appreciative of the year’s events that helped you get a better picture of why you are the way you are, and why you do things the way you do? Are you appreciative of your closest friends, partner, and/or family for standing alongside you as you faced some difficult situations, and reminding you that you never have to go at it alone? Are you appreciative of the situations you faced that helped you to relearn things you already thought you’d mastered, and/or perhaps of yourself for being willing to learn and grow in the first place?
3 Things I Appreciate Most About This Year
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Celebrate how far you’ve come. But don’t stop there. Take the strengths you’ve recognized within yourself and build on them in 2022. Whatever the hurts, mistakes, or issues you noticed, commit to understand your role in and improve on them this coming year (mistakes are for learning, not for fixating on, remember?).
You’ve looked back, learned, and overcome. You’ve stood in the present experience of who you are at this point in time. Now it’s time to look ahead, connect with yourself, and ask the big question: “Given what I’ve experienced and learned this year and throughout my life thus far, what am I looking forward to creating most this year? Is there something I hope to achieve personally? Relationally? Professionally? Where do I hope to be (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually) by this time next year? How can I be kinder, live more intentionally, and be aware of your heart’s desires in 2022?”
I think you get it. We’re not simply talking ‘lose 5 lbs.’ or ‘get in better shape’ New Year’s Resolutions here. We’re talking heart-centered, soul-filling, ‘aligned with who I am and my vision for what my impact on the world will be’ goals.
Looking Ahead to 2022
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Go on, create the life you want. Do your best. Shine your brightest light. Do it with love, patience, and presence. Make this year, this day, and this moment amazing. Simultaneously remember that the secret to having it all is knowing you already do. The secret to being it all is knowing you already are. You already do, and you already are, soul sister.
